last night was, among other things, a much needed wake up call. you’ve been putting up with my shit for way too long. feeling everyone come together has been the most bittersweet experience. groups of 20 somethings who were once strangers have been so unconditionally supportive of each other and i don’t have words in my vocabulary to express how much i appreciate it. i hold each and every one of you on a pedestal and feel i owe you the world. know there’s a special place in my heart for all you, i love you and always will.
i’ve been somewhat in limbo for the past week and a half. i can finally feel myself growing stronger and pulling out of it. since tuesday night i’ve been drinking, ingesting whatever drugs are offered to me, and crying until my eyes hurt. i awake in a daze, maybe in my own bed, maybe not. find someone else as lonely as i am and do it all over again.
watching our home become a hollow building physically hurts, but there’s no where we can move but forward. i wake up feeling closer to all of you than i was the day before. and because of that we’re closer to chris, we all are. at this point i know he’s watching all of us and laughing at the amount of alcohol and del taco we’ve all ingested together and dancing for the tattoos some of us got for him.
i’m going to be more responsible.
i’m going to be less shallow.
i’m going to stay positive.
i’m going to stay real.
i’m going to drink less.
i’m not going to lose touch.
i’m not going to forget.
i’m going to tell you exactly how it is.